Dear Family,
There is the story of two men who made a verbal agreement with one another. One agreed to sell a car to the other, for a mutually agreeable price, and when it came down to determine how they would seal the deal, the buyer grabbed the hand of the seller. Deal done. In response to this, the dealer said, "Well don't you want to come in and sign some papers, do some research, look at other cars?" The buyer said, "Nope. Don't need to. You shook my hand, testifying that everything you told was true. I trust you, and i made the deal official when i shook your hand."
The simple act of grabbing another's hand and shaking sealed the deal. No need for papers. No need to check up. One man's word was good enough.
My how things have changed. How many of us would have acted the same way? Do we still value the power of a handshake, the value of one person's word? Or do we question motives, so we put things in place to ensure that we get what we want without the worry of being taken advantage of? If we cant trust people, with a simple handshake, how can we ever be in community with them? If we cant take people at their word, how can we ever join in the journey of faith? And if we cant let people go, believing they will honor our agreement, without watching every step they make, how can we honor God with healthy relationships? I don't think we can.
And yet, the lack of trust emerges from previous experiences, doesn't it? We don't come into the world as raging cynics, doubting every motive of every person who walks. Do we? Was there ever a time when we believed someone, wholly, and we didn't need "proof?" We trusted them, so we accepted them as they were, and we gave them the benefit of the doubt. Didn't we? So if we are born trusting, believing the best in people, what happens? Where does our journey go that leads us all to points of mistrust and cynicism?
People let us down, don't they. I know, because i have made promises to so many people, and not intentionally meaning to let them down, i fail to keep those promises. I say i will be somewhere, only to not allow for my other commitments. I rushed into saying yes, before i took the time to make sure i could honor my commitment. And all too often, i have hurt many people, in the church and outside, because i didn't honor my word. In truth, i sense it becomes hard to trust in my word, after awhile, because we will let someone fail us only so many times, before we refuse to let them in. So. I have failed and will fail people. I will break promises. I will fail to show up. I will.
Its not because i don't care or am aloof. It's because i can be, at many times in my life, rather impetuous. I say yes, wanting to experience new things or make the person happy, without weighing the full compacity of what i commit to. This doesn't mean i have bad intentions. It doesn't mean, as some suggest, that i am irresponsible. It reflects a personality that is who i am: impetuous. I live in the moment. I live in the now. But there are drawbacks to being spontaneous. We jump without thinking.
Perhaps what we need is a way to seal the deal like the two men in the beginning or like Abraham and his senior servant, who Abe trusted to find a wife worthy of Isaac. Abe sat him down and made it clear to the servant how important this was, and Abe described the expectations, and then they sealed the deal by having an intimate pact. Having the servant place his hand under Abe's thigh illustrated an intimate moment with two close people. This was something Abe wanted to ensure the servant didn't drop the ball on. And he didn't. The servant saw the task through. He honored the agreement.
But Abe helped the servant see the fullness of what was expected. We don't always get that benefit, do we? Do we always have all the information before we agree to do something, join someone, or answer a call? Not always. We say yes, not always comprehending what our journey will be like. We say yes, wanting to make our friends and family happy, our God happy, our church happy, without "counting well the cost." And unlike Abe's great servant, we, or at least i know i do, find ourselves failing once again.
So how do we stop from falling into this trap? Take a step back. Take time to reflect on what's expected. Get all the information and determine if we can or cannot honor the agreement. Write it down. Make an intimate treaty with the person asking something of us, and make sure we keep that pact close to our hearts, so that we will do whatever it takes to honor that which we agreed to.
A person is only as good as his/her word. When we violate that trust, and we all have and will do, then it becomes a long journey of rebuilding bridges and reconciling relationships. It is a tedious process but one that we must also go through when we harm our friends and family. We have to be willing to dive into that space and go through the painful process of repentance and confession. But on the other hand, no matter how wronged one might have been, the other person must also join us in that space, ready, willing, and able to not rebuild that bridge, not only forgive and forget, but also offer their hand, once again, affirming their willingness to offer their trust to us.
When we dishonor a vow, a pledge, its not easy to rebuild that trust, but if we are to be a healthy, thriving church, it is a necessary step to go through. And its even more difficult, i sense, to offer that trust again, but this is, once again, a necessary step for us to go through if we are to truly be the Body of Christ. And it might seem impossible to not want to micromanage our friend or family member, ensuring they honor their pledge, but that only proves that trust was never there in the first place. Without trust, any relationship is doomed to fail.
So extend your hand to each other in honesty and honor, and let your handshake be the final witness to a verbal agreement between fellow pilgrims on a crazy journey. But if you aren't sure what you are getting yourself into, its ok, not it is right to step back, pray about it, and discern what God has to say. When you do, you will have the confidence that as you shake your family members hand, you have the blessing of God upon you. Which is really what governed Abe's servant--God.
When God directs, guides, and blesses, God also brings to fruition, as Rachel proves so mightily.
Amen.
Shalom,
jerry
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