Family Fighting

Dear Family,

We can do some evil things to each other, cant we? When we think that we have something to gain, or we sense someone has something we want, and we want it badly enough, we will do just about anything to get it. Right? I sense that even the most faithful persons, in light of wanting something, bad enough, can do the most vile things imaginable.

We can become like Jacob. God called Jacob to be, literally, the name of Israel. And yet, this man who would be an iconic figure in the Jewish story, showed himself to be incredibly human. How? He conned his brother out of the very important blessing from their father, Isaac.

Why is this significant? Because the blessing was the ultimate gift a father gave his son. A blessings meant that that son would lead the family, and the rest of the family would answer to that son. A blessing meant that that son would be in charge of the faith direction of the family. That blessing meant the future of the household, and it gave the son, who received it, the open door to pave new grounds for the family. And even though Isaac wanted to give the blessing to his oldest son, Esau, Jacob conned them both.

And yet this man becomes a figure in the story of Israel that goes beyond this tiny infraction.

We could talk about how Jacob's actions were less than noble, and we could talk about how God seems absent during this incredibly sinister act. Chapter 27 doesn't talk about how the brothers end up. Do they reconcile? Does Esau hunt Jacob his whole life, holding onto the angst? Chapter 27 only deals with the act of betrayal that one brother does to the other, and how the entire family seems to be involved.

Isaac prefers Esau, but Rebekah prefers Jacob. Both parents lament that Esau married a Hittite woman. This family has issues. But what family doesn't?

Perhaps thats what we should focus on. Not that we all, at least in our idealized dreams, have perfect "Leave it to Beaver" families. But quite the contrary. We are human. We have human emotions. We have human frailities. And as part of being human, we do mean things to each other. I believe, in most cases, that those times when we are mean aren't intentional. Jacob was perhaps a little evil, but God promised Rebekah that her youngest son would be the blessed one. She was only ensuring the blessing fall on the right son.

Esau's anger was natural. He had lost out on what was a future. A chance to be great. Which of us wouldn't have been angry? Isaac, well he was just a blind old father who wanted to make sure his family was taken care of. Jacob, whose name means, "deceiver," really was the one who seemed to act out of sorts. But then again, maybe he felt he was the one to care for the family, and being a few minutes younger shouldn't have limited his leadership. Who knows? But all i do know is that when we invest so much into each other's lives, as families do, we can hurt each other.

In fact, i sense we can do more damage to one another than if we have nothing in common. The pain is deeper, because it is a family member who caused it. The ability to reconcile can become more difficult, because the cut is so fresh and painful. And when family is involved it can cause lifetime fissions that never heal. So what can we learn from Jacob, Esau, Rebekah, and Isaac?

That family's hurt each other. What else? I dont know. Why dont you offer some insight as to what this chapter says to you. How do we continue our journey when a family member has hurt us, deeply? How do we forgive? Can we forgive? What are your thoughts? Feelings? Ideas?

Amen.
Shalom,
jerry