The cycle continues

Family,

I dont know where to begin. This is a difficult chapter. In truth, it is a disturbing chapter that speaks to the reality of how many women are viewed in our world, still, today. In the narrative, Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, is raped by the prince of the land. As we read the text, it seems that only the brothers of Dinah were offended by the rape, but mainly because of how they felt it made them look. Jacob doesn't even seem angered by the beast who stole his daughter's innocence. This is an abomination.

And the sad reality is that even today, many women are raped, only to hide it in the deepest, darkest caverns of their mind, because of the shame that accompanies this violent act against them. When a woman does bring it to light, then it becomes, with a defense lawyers help, an act of character assissination to destroy the woman, who was victimized, so that the violent offender can walk away. If we can paint the image of the woman as someone who sleeps around, gets drunk, wears sultry clothing, or acts like she wants it, then there is no rape. Even if she said no.

We have transferred guilt and shame from the person who is responsible, the rapist, to the victim, the innocent, the raped. This is a sad statement for our culture. More than that, when the church jumps on board and marks the victim as "guilty" then we, too, stand guilty, and may God have mercy on us.

I wish i could say that the church is immune to rape, but it isn't. Women who attend church are raped. Church goers violate others through the act of rape. And many, many times the church has turned its eyes, blindly, to the crime. Why? To protect some innane sense of who we are. It is as if we ignore it, then it will go away. One problem. It wont. When not brought to the surface, the crime victimizes over and over and over again. So how do we respond? What is our responsibility when a woman, and most cases are women, comes to us and claims she was raped? What is our duty?

First and foremost to make sure she feels safe. We listen. We offer a woman's shelter. We affirm that she is not to blame, no matter what is said about her, she is NOT to blame for what happened TO her. Then we begin to help her find resources to begin the long, painful journey of healing. We need to encourage her to report the crime to the police, and let them investigate. We are to walk with her, every step of the journey.

We are not to seek revenge. We are not to promise retribution. We are not to ask any stupid questions like, "What were you doing at that party?" "Why were you wearing that outfit?" We must support her and let the police work through the investigation. We are to be a loving, caring, nurturing community that shelters her, in one way or another, from this ever happening again.

What if she is someone we know very well, our niece, our friend, our daughter? We, again, must not seek revenge. Why? Because if we learn nothing else from Jacob's sons, it has to be this. If you live by the sword, no matter what causes you to use it, you will die by the sword. Violence only begets more violence. The cycle must stop. Now. When we choose healing instead of revenge, we actually put the focus on the victim, instead of putting the attention on ourselves in a veiled attempt to sound nobel. Our violent actions speak more to our own insecurity and lack of faith than it does about our love for the victim.

Love never leaves the victim. Love walks with her through the journey. And love sits back and listens and weeps and promises to do all it takes to help her get better. Love doesn't seek to hurt anyone else. Love shows up, always. How do we deal with our anger, our pain, our sense of shame and guilt that comes with experiencing such an evil? We get help ourselves. I did. And it worked. We find someone to talk to. We speak about our anger and shame and guilt. We own up to our feelings of rage and need for revenge, so that the other person can help us work through it.

We cannot seek revenge. It only opens the door to a downward spiral where all parties are blind, deaf, or dead. And God cannot be glorified in this way. I dont have a lot of answers, and i realize this is probably a hard blog to follow, coherently, but i wrote from my heart and my feelings, and these can't always be put together in a linear thought. Oh yeah, one more thing, when/if this happens, we are faced with the pain of rape, in any level, we had better pray for God's strength. Cause we will need it. And His strength is perfect. Amen.

shalom,
jerry