Dear Family,
I remember when my parents split and eventually divorced. I was three, and the next few years were turbulent at best. Going back and forth between mom and dad, until mom moved, permanently, to McPherson. Then my sister and i moved in with her, full time, and the times i got to see my dad grew further and further, until my 'biological' dad seemed to have just gotten a new life.
Sure i had a good life in McPherson. My mom remarried. My new dad adopted my sister and me. Things were good. But there is always a missing piece in a child's life when what we think should be 'normal' isn't. When so many of our friends don't understand divorce or why i have two dads or why i rarely got to see my 'biological' dad; it can and did make me insecure, wishing i could just be "normal." Whatever that is.
Today it is not as rare to find divorced families, in fact some argue one in two marriages end in divorce. Some have lamented that this trend illustrates how the United States has lost its core, Christian traditional family values. I still wonder what 'traditional' family values are? But i digress.
Anyway. It seems that divorces happen daily and more often than we want to admit. Sure it might seem that it is almost expected and accepted that couples go their separate ways, but what really happens when a wife and husband find themselves wondering what to do? What feelings are they having? What guilt do they carry? Do they feel shamed, especially if they go to church? Does the church family add guilt/shame? Many questions, and i imagine, just as i did as a child of divorce, there are many more that seemingly cant be named.
So what should the church community do about divorce? Well we can take Jesus literal, which i sense is a dangerous thing, and assume that God hates divorce and anyone who divorces steps further into an abyss of darkness. Many church leaders, even some within the Church of the Brethren, hold this ideology. We could lean this way. But what good would it do?
What happens if we don't look at Matthew 19: 1-12 literally, but more of a contextual teaching opportunity? What happens if it seems Jesus is trying recreate a narrative where women are not property, which they were viewed as in first century Palestine, but women are equal, deserve recognition of their person, and should be treated as equal? What happens when we take Jesus' teaching and try to frame his words in the model of making sure that all people, regardless of gender, are seen as equal in the eyes of God. No one, according to this view, can be thrown aside, away, or divorced, on a whim.
Seeing each persons value does change the meaning, a little at least. I do believe that God never wants a marriage to end in divorce. It is not God's will that this happen. But all of the people i have talked to, who are going through divorce, who have been through divorce, or are children of divorce, they say the same things. They didn't say their vows thinking they would fail. They meant their words. They meant to see it through. They believed they would be together until, "death do us part." But circumstances change. People change. Lives change.
So what does it mean? Well it means that God still, like any loving parent, wants His children to seek Him and be made whole. Divorce creates victims on so many levels, and God, i feel, views this as a chance for His children to jump into the muck and help walk with those persons struggling through divorce, so that all the victims can experience healing, discover wholeness, and realize that no matter what has happened love, God's love, the church's love, will always reign.
That being stated, we want to invite all persons struggling through the pain of divorce or separation to join us in worship this Sunday. We will begin the process of healing, letting God invade our space and touch our woundedness and restore our beings, so that the chains that hold us down will be cast aside, and we, once again, might feel the joy of life, love, and hope. The journey is long. It can and will be painful, even as healing breaks into the pain. But if we walk this path together, we can and will be stronger because of it. Amen.
Shalom,
jerry
PS THE HEALING HAS BEGUN!
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