Dear Family,
Im not proud of what i am about to share, but my sense is that it fits with what Jesus is teaching those who would actually listen. In college, and in reality even now, i was and am terrible with money. I can't balance my checkbook. I am impulsive. Money burns a hole in my pocket, and it has caused a lot of problems in my life. But in college i hit a wall and almost paid a hefty price.
I hit rock bottom during my senior year, and it led downward, quickly, after that. I got my first checkbook, without knowing what it meant to balance it. I quickly began writing checks, thinking i had the money in the account, only to get a few letters telling me i was overdrawn, and the checks bounced. Worse part about the whole thing is that it spirals, quickly, into a dark place. One check bounced, and then i had to pay a bunch of fees, and the total bill, of what had been only a fifty dollar check, turned out to be about 200 dollars.
But i didnt pay it.
I tried to ignore it, because i didnt have that much extra cash sitting around. The letters began to show up warning me about impending litigation. I ignored them. I just threw them away. Then i got a notice about a certified letter, and i had to go to the post office to sign. I still ignored it. Then the summons came to my job, and right in front of the entire workplace, i got served by a sheriff. I was humiliated.
The debt had grown from 50 to 200 to about 450, and i had no money.
And no matter how much i hoped and wished the debt would just be cancelled; it wasn't. I would have to face the seriousness of my choices and the consequences. I did. It took another year, plus, to get out from under the shadow of my choices and irresponsibility, but i did.
As i read the text, i wonder if it is even possible to truly forgive such a huge debt?
We, all too often, resemble the unmerciful servant. We hold grudges against people who have done, truly, very little to us. Sure their wrong feels mountainous, unforgivable, disasterous. But in truth it is more like the dollar wage debt the servant had for the unmerciful servant. Easy to forgive. A mole hill of debt. Paling in comparison to the mountain of debt that he owed the King. We, like the unmerciful servant, have been forgiven eggregious debts/sins by God, and yet we hesitate to offer, show, live in grace.
We would rather hold grudges. Demand repayment or justice. The thought of cancelling any debt, no matter how miniscule, seems unjust and unfair. But that is just what we are called to do. Not just once. Not twice. Not even three times. But seventy seven times, and in other texts, seventy times seven. Thats a lot of minor debts to forgive, but if we dont, well it seems we have a future of darkness waiting for us.
Besides when we cancel the debt of someone, it really frees us both. We no longer have to worry about the debt, and they are free to write a new narrative. What could be more Godly?
Amen..
Shalom,
jerry
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